Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
