So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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