Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
