i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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