Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
