When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
