This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
