that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
