You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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