Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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