I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
