I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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