Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I still have a little drunk in my system
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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