My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
