honey bunches of taint.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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