When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
