its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
