I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
