Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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