I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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