i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
