I will die if light touches me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
