i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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