idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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