My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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