Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
