his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
soo... how was my night?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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