conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
