we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
