Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
only if we run a train.
done.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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