I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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