I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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