so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
