No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
