8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
