I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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