sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
