fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am midnight drunk by noon
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
