New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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