I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
