I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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