do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
