I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
