sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
