I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
