how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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