I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
