We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
