i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
