i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
